The Problem with Commitment
This week I woke up, opened a used-goods website, and saw a Steam Deck on offer. Unlike its original price in the US, in Brazil, if I were to put it on paper, a new Steam Deck would cost me approximately three months' rent. So yes, it's expensive. You need to think about it and want it A LOT before making a purchase like this. And I thought about it: whether I needed it, whether I wanted it, whether I would use it, what I would play, and watched several videos about reviews, care, battery life, upgrades. Whatever topic you think of, I was an expert (or liked to think I was). But the problem wasn't money, it was commitment.
As usual, I had negotiated with the salesperson, set a time, and everything was ready to pick up. Of course, I hadn't paid yet. So I went to talk to my wife and said:
"I just spent R$ xxxx on a video-game console."
And after that, everything has gone down the drain. Jokes aside, hearing the hard truth from her really made me realize, once again, that she was right (as always). I have a commitment problem with the things I buy. Not just with the things I buy, but with life in general, especially my routine. I've accumulated everything: two laptops, a Kindle, a retro console, a 3D printer, a Switch, board games… the list goes on. But, if I'm being honest, 90% of it barely leaves its current location and sees any use.
And what would guarantee that the Steam Deck wouldn't follow the same fate? Hype in the first month, dust in the second. I could buy it: I had the will and the money. But in practice, I already knew the end of the story. Another decorative object on my shelf. The difference is that it would be the most expensive decorative object I could put on my shelf at the moment hehe.
After this conversation, I canceled with the seller and reflected on my commitment problem. About the desire to have and the boredom of possessing. About how I have everything I could possibly need for the next few years and I still wanted more. That it's okay not to buy the next gadget of the next generation. In any case, I feel like this is a battle I've partially lost with myself. But the desire to improve always comes from moments like these. Nothing stops me from starting and getting back to using the things I have, I just have to want to. And this time, if I finally commit and keep using it, even if it's just for 5 minutes a day, maybe I can convince my wife that I'm ready for having a Steam Deck not in my shelf, but in my hand ready for daily use.